Alcohol & Me

The same great friend that sent me the wonderful article on friendship I posted back in February sent me another wonderful piece about alcohol.  

Recently I hit rock bottom with my drinking habit.  One horrible night, I am completely embarrassed about made me turn a 180.  I have given drinking up completely.  A lot of people wrote off my comment as a joke.  They would say "Oh, you will drink again.  It was just bad night."

This past incident was more to me than just a bad night.  It wasn't until I spoke with my sister that I was resolute in my decision not to drink.  She told me, "It's not that I will never drink again.  I just need to find the balance.  Right now I just don't know when to stop or how to limit myself."

That couldn't ring truer in my case.  I had become out of control and it's time to find my way back to a normal, balance way of social drinking. 

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-5059/The-Internal-Dialogue-of-the-Drinker.html

Not Giving Up

The Happiness Project is back on!  It was never really over, but I did take somewhat of a hiatus.  I have kind of lost myself in this past year and it's time to start making some adult life changes and choices. 

I look back on what I wrote a year ago; my want for this project:

I want to cut out the negative, the clutter, the nagging, the past regrets.  I want to build everlasting friendships.  I want to create greater bond with my husband.  I want to build home that is peaceful, relaxing, an escape from the everyday world.  I want to become closer with my family and be a person they are proud of.  I want to learn to accept myself for who I am and start enjoying the quirkiness that is me. 

I failed at the want this past year, but I will not give up.   I want to use the events, experiences, and emotions to become a happier, healthier me.

Words from a 2 year old

My lovely sister has the most adorable child.  She sent this message to me yesterday.  I can't help but share it.  It's definitely something that makes me SO happy!

It was 4 p.m and I thought to myself:) oh sweet child of mine you have not stopped talking since you woke up.:) I decided to get pen and paper to write down his every word. Below is 10 minutes with Vann. I did not say a word!

Mommy I fall off motorcycle. I get up and play guitar. I see a gator outside. Its really big. I see a gator in the water. OH MAN! I want to climb up. I want my book. It fall down. Mommy where are the flowers? Where are the stars? I broke potato heads arm. My dog Kody is cute in the water. I just kidding, I just kidding, I just kidding! Careful I'm going to fall. I want to fall down. OHHH OHHH!!! What happened to my shoes? They came off. Put back on. PUSH! PUSH! PUSH! PUSH! Tasha's horses don't run away. Tasha said that. She's a hippopotamus not a hippo. Potato guy come. I'm going to put your hat on. And your sunglasses. I hear a lot of dogs barking outside. I love aunt kat. Aunt kat broke my race car track. She took it in the kitchen. She is handsome! OH MY GOSH! Where my camera is? Say cheese! Its not working! Mommy I'm talking to you! I have to turn that on! I want to get in my suitcase. Its messy. Its not hot. Its cold. Jackie bear where are you?!?! Let's make a tent!! Let's make it happen!! Let's scream. I'm so loud. Not too loud. Let's color. NO DUMPING. Just picking out. That's pink not red. Mommy let's clean up. This is our new house! This box came from old house. Riding the range, riding the range! La la lou!!! Meatballs!!!!! Rice not good for me. Just ice cream. Let's make a nest for kody. I'm so tired. Let's ride a cow. He's in our shed. let's go lay down.

It's Not Me, It's You

A friend of mine told me about this article today.  I have been struggling with the feelings of a broken friendship for sometime now (about a 18 months to be exact).  My feeling have run the gambit.  From mad, frustrated, hurt, betrayed, disappointed, furious, remorse to even happiness. I was hurt that a so called friend would treat someone they supposedly cared about in that manner.   I was frustrated that no matter how many times or how I apologized, this "friend" would accept but go on treating me in an awful manner.  Bottom line this friendship was toxic to my happiness and I needed to put an end to it and move on. 

When I made the choice to move on from this friendship I completely cut the person out of my life.  I removed them from my facebook feed.  I removed myself from situations where I know I may run into this person.  I worked on creating more meaningful relationships with the friends around me instead of focusing on the negativity this friendship created. 

Unfortunately cutting this person out of my life was not as easy as just removing them from my facebook feed.  We had so many mutual friends that were in this circle that still had a relationship with this friend (and that's WONDERFUL).  I have stressed since the beginning that I don't want people to choose sides.  This is not their fight and each friendship is different.  They have a different relationship with this friend than I have.  As I try to cut this person out of my life she would keep popping up somewhere.  At a friend's event, out in the city, or even by someone saying did you see so and so's facebook status, or so and so added new photos did you see them? 

Every time this person popped up I would get very upset and emotional.  It stressed me out!  Things have been a lot better lately, but it all finally made some sense when I read this article.  It's nice to know that this happens and life goes on.  It's painful but eventually everything will be okay.  We are just moving onto a different chapter in our individual stories.  It's not good, it's not sad, it's just a part of life and growing up.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/29/fashion/its-not-me-its-you-how-to-end-a-friendship.html