Happiness Hack!

When your husband tells you he’s been LOSING weight during this summer heat and then proceeds to tell you the exact number! Ugh! I’m a fat kid.

Month 2: Remember Love

I've just realized July is over and I haven't even blogged about month 2: Remember Love.  This month it's all about the marriage.  This was probably a really good time for this chapter to come along.  Timmy and I are in our eighth year of marriage, and we could use a little push to remember who we were when we first fell in love.

There is a lot in the chapter I did not relate to, but that's not to say I didn't take anything away from reading this chapter.  I just had to take the stories and situations and relate them to my life. 

Chapter 2 Remember Love:

• Quit nagging.
• Don't expect praise or appreciation.
• Fight right.
• No dumping.
• Give proofs of love.

I have decide I will not write about specifics my relationship with Timmy here. It's not the place to divulge that information.  So, sorry to all of you that wanted the juicy details, you won't find them here.  Besides this is MY happiness project, so this is all about me. :)

QUIT NAGGING

I never thought I was much of a nagger.  I think I was wrong.  I realized it when I read...

"I think that an adult should be able to decide whether or not to wear a sweater with out interference from others."

LIGHT BULB!  This "it's for your own good" variety of nagging is me.  I want Timmy to be the best that he can be and for me it's mild suggestions on how to better himself, but he might see it as something negative. 

"The most obvious (and lest appealing) anti nagging technique, of course, was to do the task myself."

Let's face it, if I don't do it myself, it won't be done right.  Which is not really true, it's just not done the way I would have done it.  I should be grateful for anything Timmy does to help me out no matter what form it comes in.  I need to try to be more observant and appreciative of all the tasks that Timmy does for us.  I am certainly guilty of  "unconscious over claiming," the phenomenon in which we unconsciously overestimate our contributions or skills relative to other people.

DON'T EXPECT PRAISE OR APPRECIATION

I think everyone likes to have the things they do not to go un-noticed.  I know I appreciate when Timmy recognizes that there is a lot I do for us and for our household, but sometimes I wonder if he knows, or even cares, how much time and consideration I put into our household.  This little quote is my bottom line on this topic.

"I'm doing this for myself.  This is what I want." I wanted to send out Valentine's cards.  I wanted to clean out the kitchen cabinets.  This sounded selfish, but in fact, it was less selfish, because it meant I wasn't nagging to get a gold start from Jamie or anyone else.  No one else had to notice what I'd done."

FIGHT RIGHT
Fighting is to personal to blog about, but I'll put in my favorite quotes.  Make up your own stories on how you think this relates to us.  :)

Lesson learned? By laughing along with him, I'd made Jamie think that snoring was a good subject for a joke.  I tried to be light, but I couldn't; I wish I could always laugh at myself easily, but in some situations, I can't, and I should have responded honestly, so I could avoid and eventual blowup.  Jamie had had no warning that his comment was going to enrage me.  SO much for "fight right." This time, I hadn't managed to keep my resolution - I could even bring myself to apologize, I just wanted to forget about it - but next time, I'd do better (I hoped).

It takes at lease 5 positive marital actions to offset one critical or destructive action, so one way to strengthen a marriage is to make sure that the positive far outweighs the negative. 

NO DUMPING
This I found pretty interesting...

There is a difference in how men and women approach intimacy.  Although men and women agree that sharing activities are important, a women's idea of an intimate moment is a face-to-face conversation, while men feel close when they work or play sitting alongside someone. Because men have this low standard for what qualifies as intimacy, both men and women find relationships with women to be more intimate and enjoyable than those with men.  Women have more feelings for empathy for other people than men do (though women and men have about the same degree of empathy for animals, whatever that means.)  In fact, for both men and women the most reliable predictor of not being lonely is the amount of contact with women.  Time spent with men doesn't make a difference.

This is why I get so frustrated when Timmy doesn't want to have long conversations.  When I need to vent I call up Angie, or my mom.  I don't believe Timmy understands venting (or dumping) so I don't bother him with it.  I don't know if it's something he would even be interested in hearing about, so I just don't and I give him the readers digest version afterwards. He doesn't want to spend hours over wine trying to pump up my self confidence.  That's a job for Angie (THANKS ANG)!

GIVE PROOFS OF LOVE

"There is not love; there are only proofs of love." - Pierre Reverdy

Over and over again this chapter reminded me of a book Timmy's pastor gave to us for a wedding gift, Fall in Love, Stay in Love by Willard F. Jr. Harley.  In the book Harley talks about love banks and making deposits of love in the other's bank.  When you take a deposit out (nagging, yelling, argument, etc.) you had to make sure you created a loving deposit to make up the deficit (hugs, sorry's, kind gestures, etc.)

To often I focus on the things that annoy me: postponing scheduling decisions; not answering my texts, emails, phone calls; I feel he doesn't fully appreciate what I do to make our lives run smoothly.  Instead I should remember all the things I love about him.  He's kind, funny, brilliant, thoughtful, loving, sweet, a good puppy daddy, good son, and son in law, creative, hardworking, a trooper, athletic.  He kisses me and says "I love you," every time we part and before we fall asleep, he comes to my side at parties and puts his arm around me, he rarely show irritation or criticizes me.  AND SO MUCH MORE!   I'm so lucky.

All in all to be happy, I need to generate more positive emotions, so that I increase the amount of joy, pleasure, enthusiasm, gratitude, intimacy, and friendship in my life.  That's not hard to understand.  I also need to remove sources of bad feelings, so that I suffer less guilt, remorse, shame, anger, envy, boredom and irritation.

"Is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that, but simply growth.  We are happy we we are growing" - William Butler Yeats

Nine Tips for Exercise

In Gretchen's book The Happiness Project she has included tips for a lot of the most common problem areas.  Here are the nine tips tot stick to a schedule for regular exercise. (My thoughts look like this.)

1. Always exercise on Monday's.  (So true, I find I workout so much more in a week when I hit a Monday workout.  If I miss a Monday I find myself putting off workouts and always saying "I'll start again on Monday.)
2. Never skip exercising for two day in a row.  (This is so easy to do and makes so much sense!  Why am I always putting off the inevitable workout?  I should just do it!)
3. Don't link exercise to weight loos.  Exercise for sanity not vanity.  (I need to drill this into my head.)
4. Give yourself credit for the smallest effort.  (Timmy actually has me think this way.  Even if it's not the best workout, give yourself credit for getting up and moving.)
5. Think about context.  Do you hate the loud music in your gym?  Re-think your choices. (I'm currently working on finding my perfect place.)
6. Exercise frequently.  If you think you're staying in shape by playing pick-up basketball, you should be playing four or five times a week. (Can anyone explain the basketball thing? I do get the exercise frequently.)
7. If you don't  have time to both exercise and take a shower, find exercise where you don't need to shower afterward.  (Is it just me, but I don't feel like I did a workout if I don't sweat.  I like to feel the results of my workout.)
8. Spend money to make exercising more pleasant.  Exercise is a high life priority, so this is the place to splurge a bit if that helps.  (Is this permission to buy new clothes?  OKAY!)
9. Remember: Belonging to a gym doesn't mean you go the gym, and just because you were in shape in college doesn't mean you're in shape now.  (Well put.  Enough said.)

Wise Words

"The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.  Because no matter what happens  you will always be with you" - Diane von Furstenberg

One Bum Day Only!

I'm an actress, a dancer, an okay singer, a performer.  I've been doing this almost my whole life.  Since I was 10 actually, so I should be used to the rejection that comes with the territory.  And honestly I am pretty good about it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't shake my confidence some.

I had an audition last night for a show I was pretty excited about.  I'm not sure if it was the actually show that made me excited or just the thought of being back on stage.  Either way potential show = me stoked.  There's a nice crowd, I catch up with some old friends, it's a nice time.  I was confident in what I put out there.  So I go home high on life and play the waiting game.  This is the worst part.  It's like waiting for a call after a fantastic first date. 

Nine o'clock rolls around, auditions are officially over and I should be getting that call any second now.  Nine thirty...ten...ten thirty...eleven.  I head off to bed without a final resolution.  I have dreams about the show and me showing up to the first rehearsal, but told to go home.  I know when I wake up from this nightmare, I didn't get the part.  So when my phone rings this morning I wasn't surprised to here the "thanks, but no thanks."

Every time I'm rejected in one way or another I allow myself one bummed day. Twenty fours hours to be upset, mad, whiny, scheming, BUMMED.  I don't know where I come up with this rule.  Probably from mom, she's pretty smart like that.  It's also helps to talk it out to friends, so I'm heading over to the amazing Knapp's tonight for a nice evening of venting.

SIDE NOTE:  I was just checking my friends FB page and I think he put it best.  "I have been in this business a long time.  Now if I don't want to do a show it's not because I got stage fright.  It's because some creature form beyond doesn't want me to the the show."
I think that says it all.  Sums everything up in a nice little package.

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

A friend of mine passes this along to me.  I love the simple things that can crack a smile.

1. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana.
2. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
3. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
4. Sing Along At The Opera.
5. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
6. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
7. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, "We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
8. Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, go to the counter and ask where the fitting room is.

Melissa’s 12 Commandments for Life

Part of the Happiness Project is coming up with ones on 12 commandments.  These 12 commandments are to help when I am struggling to keep my resolutions.  I’ve always been one to latch onto wise words of wisdom and quotes, but I’ve struggled to narrow all these thoughts down to 12.  Maybe that’s why there are also the Secrets of Adulthood.

Since I’m a musical theater nerd I’ve always been drawn to the wise words of song and dance.  You can’t get any happier than jazz hands right? 

Melissa’s 12 Commandments for Life (a work in progress)

1. I don't care. I don't care. What people may think of me.
2. Everyone makes mistakes oh yes they do. Everyone makes mistakes so why can't you?
3. Always look on the bright side of life.
4. No day but today.
5. Forget your troubles, come on get happy
6. Everyone goes down well with beer
7. Defy gravity
8. Any dream will do
9. Children will listen
10. Happiness is anyone and anything at all that's loved by you.
11. I'm fat.  That's that.

Gretchen’s Twelve Personal Commandments

1. Be Gretchen.
2. Let it go.
3. Act the way I want to feel.
4. Do it now.
5. Be polite and be fair.
6. Enjoy the process.
7. Spend out.
8. Identify the problem.
9. Lighten up.
10. Do what ought to be done.
11. No calculation.
12. There is only love.

Four Splendid Truths

First: To be happier, you have to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.

Second: One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.

Third: The days are long, but the years are short.

Fourth: You’re not happy unless you think you’re happy.

Secrets of Adulthood

1. The best reading is re-reading.
2. Outer order contributes to inner calm.
3. The opposite of a great truth is also true.
4. You manage what you measure.
5. By doing a little bit each day, you can get a lot accomplished.
6. People don’t notice your mistakes and flaws as much as you think.
7. It's nice to have plenty of money.
8. Most decisions don't require extensive research.
9. Try not to let yourself get too hungry.
10. Even if you think they're fake, it's nice to celebrate Mother's Day and Father's Day.
11. If you can't find something, clean up.
12. The days are long, but the years are short.
13. Someplace, keep an empty shelf.
14. Turning the computer on and off a few times often fixes a glitch.
15. It's okay to ask for help.
16. You can choose what you do; you can't choose what you LIKE to do.
17. Happiness doesn't always make you feel happy.
18. What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
19. You don't have to be good at everything.
20. Soap and water removes most stains.
21. It's important to be nice to EVERYONE.
22. You know as much as most people.
23. Over-the-counter medicines are very effective.
24. Eat better, eat less, exercise more.
25. What's fun for other people may not be fun for you--and vice versa.
26. People actually prefer that you buy wedding gifts off their registry.
27. Houseplants and photo albums are a lot of trouble.
28. If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough.
29. No deposit, no return.

First Month Report

Well, it's been almost a month and do I feel happier?  Not terribly.  It's been a stressful month for me personally and professionally.  I've struggled with keeping a positive attitude "acting the way I want to feel".  However I did succeed in some changes.  A lot of them came to me in these past couple weeks, so I hope to keep going strong with all my June goals while focusing on July.

 

Clear My Closets:  This was my first task to tackle.  And at first I really struggled.  I'm not one to keep loads of stuff around.  Timmy hates clutter and I have a fear of becoming a hoarder.  Maybe I should finally realize that if you are afraid of becoming a hoarder, it probably won't happen. 

So I start on my bedroom closet.  It wasn't too long ago that I cleaned out this beast of a closet so this time it was different.  It was not only clearing the items I no longer wanted by tossing the clothes that no longer fit.  These were items I used to wear and LOVE, but these days I'm nowhere near my 22 year old self.  I always said I will save those outfits for when I lost the weight, but the days have gone by and I just keep buying new stretchy stuff.   I asked my friend about this dilemma.  "Since part of my month is working out, I'll start losing weight, so should I throw out the stuff now when it could fit soon?"

Without any hesitation she replied, "NO!  Throw it out now.  If you love it so much keep one or two items, but the rest has to go." 

I guess that's all I needed.  I saved a couple of my favorite dress, but everything else went.  I took everything over to my mom's where my sisters and my mom all found new exciting clothes for their wardrobe.  All in all is was nice to see them so excited about everything and to see them in some of my hand me downs make me happy I got rid of it all.  I feel better, and they have new stuff.  It's a win win for all!

One thing that rang true for me as well was although I have hare fewer clothes in front of me, I feel as though I have more to wear - because everything in my closet is something that I realistically would wear.

Tackle A Nagging Task: I still have a lot of work here.  My first nagging task; the rose garden.  It's the first thing I see when I pull in the driveway and it always bothered me that the weeds were taking over.  So one afternoon I bought flowers, mulch, weed be gone, and 3 hours later I had the rose garden and front of the house planters beautified! 

My next tasks I plan on tackling this weekend; get out the hammer and fix all the loose nails I keep running into.  AND clean the gutters.  Fingers crossed I don't fall off the roof.  Maybe I can get Timmy to do this before I get into July where it's a month of NO NAGGING!

Get Physical:  Hee hee.  To say I did this is a bunch of bull!  I know I know, it's so important to the longevity of the project, but I just didn't make it happen like I should have.  I had all the good intentions of getting up early and going to Jazzercise to get it out of the way.  Then life happened.  I became knees deep working on Almost, Maine.  Then work and life became difficult which started my drinking habit.  I was having a drink about every night, not getting drunk, but enough to really affect my body.  I've noticed I'm more sluggish and just depressed over the way I look.  So this week I revamp.  I'm not training for a biking event.  I have friends and family holding me accountable and so far I'm rockin.  Here's to being back on the fitness band wagon!

Restore, Maintain, Organize, Use to Do List, "One Minute Rule" and Evening Tidy Up:  All of these for me acted as one.  Once I got my house all cleaned and in order it's been easy to maintain and organize.  One study suggested that eliminating clutter would cut down the amount of house work in the average home by 40 percent!  One evening a friend of mine wanted to come over.  It was all last minute, but I didn't have to run around like a crazy women trying to hide all our messes.  Nope, I just vacuumed and said come on over.  It was so simple! 

The "one minute rule" has been so helpful.  It's amazing how much you can get done in that one minute.  The evening tidy up has been a refreshing change.  It's so nice to come into a clean kitchen and living room in the mornings.  Even my bedroom is cleaner! 

My to do list is helping me at work.  I've used one for the past few years, but not like I have this past month.  I wrote down every little thing I have to get done from the big projects that will take a few days to the everyday go to the bank.  There is something so gratifying in being able to crossed tasks off the list.  I find so much joy in that one little scribble.  I haven't used it at home.  Timmy said if he sees a to do list he gets overwhelmed and doesn't do any of it. 

All in all I've learned a lot this past month about the way I want to live and the way I handle stress.  There are still a lot of changes and things I need to work on.  I'm going to re-read the first two chapters so I get a better grip on my goals.  I'm excited for a couple of my friends to join in with me on this journey.  It will be nice to have someone to share with who is going through the same challenges.

Happiness Picker Upper

Sometimes you just need a little extra happiness. How can this NOT make you smile?!

Happiness Hacks

It's been a couple of deflating weeks.  Between work, home, and general life stress, I had a breakdown.  I can see how easy it would be fore someone to become and alcoholic.  Now I"m not even close to that, but there were quite a few times I could have really used a drink.

What I'm finding is really hard for me is; who do I vent to?  I'm a pretty positive person.  I let a lot of things just roll off my back or I keep them to myself because I don't want my negativity to effect others.  But there are those times where you just need to vent and I'm not sure who or where I can go to.  This week I kept everything in and I crashed.  I was angry, depressed, upset of things out of my control.  Every little thing that came after this one incident was bigger than it should have been and I checked out.

My happiness hack came from people; customers, merchants, co-workers, etc.  I feel as though some people just make life difficult for themselves and feel that everyone should have as much trouble with life as they do so they create drama.  Why are we unpleasant to people?  Why do we create so much unneeded drama?  Why do we like to share the drama?

Happiness is this thing that everyone searches for and for some it's very elusive.  When really we all create our own happiness.  We choose how things effect us and a lot of "the drama" is created by our own insecurities. 

Act the way I want to feel.  Although we presume that we act because of the way we feel, in fact we often feel because of the way we act.  For example, studies show that even an artificially induced smile brings about happier emotions, and one experiment suggested that people who use botox are less prone to anger, because they can't make angry faces.  The philosopher and psychologist William James explained "Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together, and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not."  Advice from every quarter, ancient and contemporary, backs up the observation that to change our feelings, we should change our actions." - The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin

Goodnight My Someone

GO TO SLEEP EARLIER
First: bodily enery.

I don't have much trouble falling asleep and staying asleep, but I don't want to jinx myslef, or set myself up for failure by saying this isn't something I need to work on.

Millions of people fail to get the recommend seven to eight hours of sleep, and one study revealed that a bad night's sleep was on of the top two factors that upset people's daily moods.  Another study suggested that getting one extra hour of sleep each night would do more for a person's daily happiness than getting a $60,00 raise!

I love sleep!  I love to dream.  I would sleep an entire day away if I got the chance, however life often gets in the way of that ever happening.  For this resolution my goal is to be be in bed at a decent hour (before 10pm) and up by 5am on the weekends for an early morning workout.  I want to create a routine that puts me to sleep.  Something that let's my body know it's bedtime.

I am a big time napper.  Love them.  I typically will take a nap everyday.  When I'm at work I have a great nap set up in the back of my car.  Sunsheilds, bedding and a safe quite garage to sleep in.  It's only embarrassing when someone sees me climbing out of my back seat.  I look forward to this nap everyday.  I find it is a quit jolt of energy to get me though the rest of the day.

I really want to redecorate my bedroom and create more of an oasis for relaxation.  I love when things are clean.  I have a really hard time going to bed when I know the sheets haven't been washed, or if there is a lot of clutter around.  It bugs me.  We also have 2 dogs that love to be on the bed.  I've been working really hard at training them to stay down, but every morning little Sadie climbs into be with Timmy the second I'm out of the room.  She loves to play on the bed and will often make a bee line for the back yard to the bed.  I will often sleep in my spare room where I don't have to fight with dogs, dirt, or sharing the blankets.  My hope is that my newly remolded room with create more of an oasis that both my husband and I will take better care of.

Bottom line: In bed by 10pm up by 5am. Create at routine. Make my room a retreat. 

June: Vitality

June is all about vitality.  My steps to follow this month...

• Boost Energy
• Go to sleep earlier.
• Exercise better.
• Toss, restore, organize.
• Tackle a nagging task.
• Act more energetic.

I love the thought behind this first step; more vitality will make it easier  to stick to all the happiness project resolutions in the future months.  It's really a pretty simple concept. 


My resolutions this month...

Clear my closets

Tackle a nagging task

Get physical

Restore, maintain, organize

Use to do list

Identify the problem

“one minute rule”

Evening tidy up

More on each resolution to follow.

Forget your troubles come on get HAPPY!

Welcome to my happiness project.  As one of my favorite Ryanhood songs says "Welcome you into my head."

This will be my space for sharing thoughts, ideas, progress, inspiration and so much more as I go on this adventure.  For those that know me, you may be wondering why I have chosen to take on The Happiness Project.  I am a very happy, positive, optimistic person.  I have a fabulous family, an incredibly loving husband, and an Ah-Mah-Zing group of friends.  Why would someone like me need to do a happiness project?  To the world I am happy, but I want to learn how to completely appreciate every moment of my life with total happiness.  I want to cut out the negative, the clutter, the nagging, the past regrets.  I want to build everlasting friendships.  I want to create greater bond with my husband.  I want to build home that is peaceful, relaxing, an escape from the everyday world.  I want to become closer with my family and be a person they are proud of.  I want to learn to accept myself for who I am and start enjoying the quirkiness that is me. 


Bottom line, "I am happy - but I'm not as happy as I should be.  I have such a good life, I want to appreciate it more - and live up to it better."

I first heard about this Happiness Project on CBS Sunday morning.  The idea intrigues me; each month focuses on one of the 12 aspects of happiness.  One month, then switch it up.  I feel this is something my ADHD can handle.  I love the idea that everyone's happiness project is different too.  It caters to individuality and your own personal quest for happiness.  I'm all in.  I can't wait to start sharing the happiness with all of you.

If you want to join in or learn more about The Happiness Project visit the website at http://www.happiness-project.com/